Disney Marketing And You.

Who came up with this? And why weren't they immediately fired? Anyone that sees the movie that's under ten would see the bag for this and start balling their eyes out. Trauma at your very own Kroger's. I mean hell, the kid has to shoot his own dog at the end of the movie, and if you didn't cry at the end of it, I'm sorry but you just aren't human. Because that's seriously messed up. Anyone who would dare feed this to their pets should never EVER be allowed to own another animal of any kind again.

However, they do need to put Old Yeller in Kingdom Hearts 3, his rabies attack would be bad ass.

Boom Blox Only Does 60k in sales.

Is anyone really all that shocked here? I mean come on it boils down to FIFTY BUCKS for a game that looks like a Jenga knock off featuring chickens. And hell, who wouldn't want a game where you shoot chickens at Jenga blocks?? But that's not the game and it's FIFTY BUCKS. And Spielberg really thinks his name has pull anymore? Comon this is the guy that made ET then started slapping his name on every Warner Brothers cartoon he could get his hands on, nobody cares anymore, especially when you put indiana jones on the back of a bike BEHIND the insanely annoying kid from TRANSFORMERS! And did I mention it's FIFTY F$%&ING DOLLARS?

Rootkits Keep Falling On My Head

Oh hell, not again. EA in it's latest bout of brilliance (read: complete incompetence) has decided to institute the latest form of SecuRom torture on it's legitimate customers buying Spore and Mass Effect. For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about Sony invented this lovely little program they call DRM and most PC users with two braincells to rub up against each other call a root kit. Yes this program installs itself, refuses to run the game if it finds legitimate programs like Nero, MICROSOFT'S Process Explorer, and Disc juggler, and to top it all off, proves irremovable unless you reformat your system. If that's not a root kit than you don't know what is. The game has to be online every ten days for reactivation, if you aren't online to bad, the game will lock you out. And it's also been reported that the activation limit is back, this time it's down to three. I hope before PC gaming completely croaks some game company has the balls to admit it's mistakes, and understand that the way to create loyal customers is NOT to treat them like criminals.

Above: A Tech Support Cat tries to pull SecuRom off an Infected PC

I have, in fact, learned my lesson with Bioshock and I will NOT buy any game that features SecuRom, that goes for everyone. I don't care if your game is the best damn game since Duke Nukem 3d, put a root kit on, and I ain't buying.

UPDATE: Bioware/EA has decided to remove the 10 day re authentication but they have still not committed to an entirely non-SecRom Disc. Basically they are now back to exactly what Bioshock had for it's DRM. And that just isn't good enough.

"Pirates are not lost sales... they were never sales to begin with." --michaelca Via the Bioware forums

A Message From GTAIV...

Don't drink and drive. Duh. The Parent Television Council (a.k.a. the people so morally stuck up their own ass that they want to dumb down television to the point that Elmo seems like Shakespeare) seem to believe that GTAIV advocates and "gives points for drunk driving." In reality the game WILL let you drive drunk HOWEVER there are severe consequences for doing so. I tried it one time just for the hell of it, your steering sucks, your vision is blurred and the cops are on your ass faster than half price day at Dunkin' Donuts. Its NOT a good idea to drive drunk in GTAIV just like it's NEVER a good idea to drive drunk in real life.

And parents get a grip. YOU are the ones who control what your child sees, hears, and does. That's why it's called parenting. Sit down with your kids play some video games with them. And when a clerk WARNS YOU THAT A GAME IS VIOLENT and you don't like that DON'T BUY IT. For f***'s sake don't buy a copy of GTA: Vice City for little 8 year old Jimmy only to come in the next day screaming that this game is so violent and you can have sex with prostitutes when I F***ING WARNED YOU TO BEGIN WITH. I was so inspired by this incident I created a T-Shirt in it's honor. Something I believe anyone who works selling video games for a living thinks every time something like this happens. That shirt can be found here.

Moving along to the game itself. The game is good, but hold your horses, it really doesn't deserve all those 10/10 scores it's getting. I remember back when review sites didn't worry about getting paid for game advertising so much. Otherwise known as back when they had balls, and they had balls enough to call a game's sequel out when it was just more of the same and lacking innovation. Don't get me wrong, more of the same isn't bad in the case of GTAIV, but its getting a little bland and a bit repetitive.

All my complaints from GTA San Andreas (mostly due to the fact that I hate micromanagement, "CJ feed your damn self or starve, I don't care about you.") seem to have cleared up but they took out a few features I actually LIKED from San An. For example, bikes are GONE, I actually enjoyed peddling around when I had the chance, it was faster than running and also a bit relaxing. Cliff jumping seems to be gone as well, and given that I would really love to jump Niko off the empire state building, only to be saved a few seconds before impact by a parachute, that hurts my feelings towards the game as well.

The graphics are superb, this is definitely the prettiest GTA we've ever seen, but that doesn't save the fact that by comparison to San Andreas the city feels really, really small. But I guess its really a trade off, either huge environment and shit graphics, or small environment and gobbstoppingly beautiful graphics.

Multiplayer is really the shinning force of this game as I find myself playing more of it than I do the single player game. Which the people that know me know that me getting addicted to multiplayer is completely unlikely. However I find myself actually wanting to pay *GASP* for a years subscription to Xbox Live just for this game *double gasp* and that's just not like me. But given that it's Rockstar's first real atempt at online, there are of course some drawbacks. After playing a complete round of Cop's and Crooks I find myself either dropped out into the "party area" or completely thrown back into the single player game. This is of course rather annoying.

If I honestly had to nail down a score for the game I'd give it a 9.5. Looking at the game itself it's more of the same GTA we all know and love with a few improvements and a bit of polish here and there. The improvements are welcome and this series is sure to live on, however there are still some minor and major setbacks that Rockstar will only be able to iron out with time. Here's hoping for another trip back to the 80s, oh how I love 80s music, I love it good.

The return of something groovy...

Something has been missing for almost a decade. Something wormy. Something super suity... Well all that is about to end. Interplay has decided to bring back one of the greatest characters ever invented. A super hero among super heroes. A hero for all time. Soon to be out on the virtual console, new games in production AND most importantly a new cartoon series. Franchise creator Doug TenNapel is on-board as a consultant. It doesn't get much better than that. Hopefully they can get Dan Castellaneta (yes Homer himself) back on board. I whole-heartedly welcome back Earthworm Jim. Be it 2-d or 3-d, you slap a worm in a super suit to make him really super strong and he rules. Damn, now that theme song is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlf4CDZeOkw&feature=related

It's official: My WTF moment of 2008.

What? Why? The hell were they thinking? As well as at least 13 different expletives were speeding though my head at about a thousand miles an hour when I first saw this pic. A fighting game where Mortal Kombat faces off with DC? A whole-hearted celebration of second rate mediocrity. Great. Marvel and Capcom beat them to the punch almost a decade ago. Hate to break this to the fanboys, but Superman is in this game, and if you know anything about superheroes (and what normal breathing male doesn't?) Supes would just put his fist through everyone's skull and be done with the whole damned thing. No fatalitys needed. Speaking of which boone has pussed out and said there won't be any, just a series of finishers. Way to stick with what makes your series work there bud.

Why I don't watch DBZ.

My friends love DBZ, a LOT. I really don't understand why. No, really I have no freaking clue why that damned cartoon got so much freaking money from American kids. I like anime to be short, simple, and to the point. Dragon Ball (Z; GT; Super; Turbo; Salvation; and anything else they could come up with) is none of those things. I also like it when they don't take five minutes at the beginning and ending of the episode to go over WHAT HAPPENED IN THE LAST EPISODE, and WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN THE NEXT EPISODE! I also don't like an entire episode to involve two characters screaming at each other. Hell I like being able to tell who the **** is who, shit man, they all look the same to me. The people that watch Dragon Ball are the same idots that thought Bo Bo Bo Bo (for gods' sakes we get it, some dipshit in japan thought that repeating "Bo" over and over was f'ing hilarious) was an awesome anime. Kids, shut off the cartoon network go out and find some REAL anime. Just don't come crying to me when Vampire Hunter D beats the living shit out of Goku in your nightmares. So how many reasons could I come up with? Yes, over 9000, but I won't. I'll just leave you with this fact that will leave the DBZ fanboys screaming in horror. That picture you see on your left, the douchebag right there, yeah that guy is playing Goku in the official DBZ movie.

Indiana Jones doesn't ride bitch.

Or at least you wouldn't want to believe he does. But such is the case with Indy 4. So it begs the question "why bother?" Why bother indeed. For there is another choice, perhaps a better choice in Postal: The Movie. Very loosely based on the game series by Running With Scissors, the film stars, Zack Ward (A Christmas Story, Titus, Bloodrayne II), Dave Foley (The Kids In The Hall, NewsRadio, Scrubs), and Verne "Stop calling me Mini-Me" Troyer. The film centers around the "Postal Dude" a trailer livin' fun lovin' average kind of guy. His wife is cheating on him, everyone seems to be out to get him, and the world seems to be caving in on him. So what else is a guy in his position to do but go postal? This may actually be the one win that Uwe Boll pulls off in a lifetime of mediocre film making. So go see it, I know I will. If nothing else you get to see a cat used as a silencer, and honestly, who doesn't want to see that? It's coming to a theater near you May 23rd, don't forget to spread the word.

• Official Movie Site: http://www.postal-the-movie.com/preview.htm
• And as always RWS' site: http://www.gopostal.com/

OBJECTION!

The MKR Group has decided that they don't want no stinking malls with no stinking zombies in them unless they get their hands in the cookie jar. Reuters reported that yesterday they filed a complaint with the U.S. District Court in New York alleging that Dead Rising is simply "a video game version of our movies." What a load of crap. If a zombie infestation really did happen where would you want to go? I'd want to go to the local mall, barely anyone ever goes there anymore, but I guess I can't, it might infringe on someones copyright claim... This is the sort of thing that can happen when copyright claims aren't made to be more specific.

Original Story Here:

http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSN2526490820080226?feedType=RSS&feedName=entertainmentNews

Dead Rising 2 from Canada with love?

Confusing reports abound today, and a trip to http://www.bluecastlegames.com/ doesn't seem to alleviate the situation. Rumor has it that Capcom is bringing in some western company to create the sequel to one of the best 360 games known to man. The videos contained within the site are purposely cryptic. The first video reports that the upcoming game is "probably the most sought after projects in Vancouver." Clicking over to the art team section reveals "going from the bigs where we were doing a lot of stadium artwork where we are now doing *bleep* city streets, vehicles weapons..." Interesting stuff... However...

There is yet another standing rumor that a development team in the "Los Angeles area" has been tapped to take over the reigns. Whatever the case may be, whoever wins, we as gamers win. Well if Otis is still ringing us on that walkie talkie we may loose...

Take 2 to EA: "Piss off"

For some ungodly reason EA is trying to buy every gaming company they possibly can. My theory? It's so they can destroy every good gaming franchise and lower our expectations of their games. Burnout without crash mode? That isn't Burnout, it's just another crappy racing game. And Madden? Yeah 1996 called, they said they want you to stop updating the roster for their game. Could you imagine Bioshock 2 with REAL ads? Or GTA for that matter? EA basically sucks the fun right out of any game they get their hands on. They offered 2 billion for Take 2. Take 2's response in short form? Shove it up your ass.

A Far Cry from what you'd expect.

Yes I went there, deal with it. It's been announced that the player of Farcry 2 will be stricken with malaria as soon as he gets of the plane. This is taking micromanagement to a whole new and sick level, whereas to get medicine for the disease you have to acquire it (they don't say how) from civilians. Ubisoft, I hope you know that the deaths of thousands of digital civilians will be on your heads, for I'm not the nice "can I have some medicine, I'll pay for it, honest" type. I'm more the "I'm going to shove this rifle up your ass and use you as a silencer if you don't give me what I want" type. So, if you can live with that, go ahead. But don't think Postal 2 hasn't had an effect on the way I play games, there is always the second option of killing everyone in sight, always.

The best thing on 360 since Dead Rising

And yes, I'm completely ignoring that tin can trapped green bastard. The only problem with this game? It's just a demo, and there's a 17 day time limit on the demo. The Dishwasher hearkens back to the days when beat-em-ups were actually badass (aka before Squaresoft tried it). Its kind of like if you took TMNT: The Arcade Game smashed it with Salad Fingers and threw in a couple thousand gallons of blood. Yes folks, it's that awesome. Do yourself a favor and check this game out, you won't be sorry you did, but you might if you don't. It's hard to believe that a few guys in a basement created this. I may have to look into getting myself a copy of that XNA developer studio.

No, the sky isn't falling...

That sound you heard a few days ago, that was Kaz "It's Ridge Racer Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge Raaaaaaaacer!" Hirai dying a little inside. Awful loud though, wasn't it? Sam's Club had a hell of a deal on the Xbox 360 with an extra controller and the play n charge kit included. I also recived a game that I'd been looking at since I first saw direct feed video of it last year, Project Gotham Racing 4. Cars and motorcycles racing together? I'm in. Right now I'm in the process of looking for some really good deals on games. Dead Rising should be here on monday, and if you don't know already, I love that game it's the reason I got the first 360. If it were an official Dawn of the Dead game, it would be the first movie to video game translation that would be worth a damn. If you don't already own it, go out and get it now, Capcom is looking down the barrel of a really big lawsuit over the game at this point. Somebody at the The MKR Group (owners of the copyright to George Romero's Dead films) must have finally played it. I hope they are able to work everything out and make a sequel, but who really knows?

For those of you that wish to know, my gamer tag is Rblphoenix, and as a word of warning to my friends, don't come near this thing with Halo 3, I will not hesitate to break your fingers, and your game.

The scam of DLC (and why the **** are you people falling for it?)

Downloadable Content is the scourge of gaming. How the hell do game companies get away with charging you $60 bucks for a game then telling you, "but wait there's more! you just have to pay for it!"? It's because people are stupid enough to buy it. The whole point of laying down that outrageous amount of money in the first place is so you get to play the entire damn game, not 80-90% of a game only to be told later to cough up another $15 bucks to get the "rest of the game." Hell most of the time the supposed "extra content" is already on the friggin DVD (see: Beautiful Katamari, Dead Rising, any EA game put out since 2006). Seriously, STOP IT. You're making us all look bad. And convincing game companies that we are stupid mindless sheep that will buy anything as long as it looks shiny and new.

Some advice for Comcast and Time Warner, from yours truly

Yes, the proverbial shit, has hit the fan.

First of all, I must offer my congratulations, you have single-handedly tricked America into believing that 6mb/ps is as fast as the Internet can possibly go. For those that don't want to do the math, at 6mb/ps UNLIMITED Internet you'd be able to download 2TBs of data per month. And most people don't know that Japan and China can pay what you rob people of per month for 100mb/ps up AND DOWN!

The government paid you 500 billion to upgrade to fiber optics, I'd love to see what you've done with the money. Now, you have pushed to far, to fast. You are trying to stop the free flow of information and ideas to people, and that is not only wrong, its unconstitutional. You do NOT even give customers the pitiful speeds THEY PAY FOR. You expect them to obey secret download restrictions, and block p2p sharing, because YOU think they are downloading illegally. Do you have any idea how large Service Pack 1 for vista is? What happens when someone uses "to much bandwidth" and they can't make an outbound call to 911 because you shut them off? Their deaths will be on YOUR heads.

Did you know that Linux is perfectly legal to download for the home user? And that there are THOUSANDS of movies that are available for FREE on the Internet (just saw a great one called Zeitgeist you should check it out, sounds a lot like the both of you)? There are many reasons people can LEGALLY use the bandwidth that they PAY FOR! What you're doing isn't highway robbery, its downright piracy. I honestly hope that the both of you get sued off the face of this planet, for that is the only way you will learn. Now might be a good time for the two of you to take your heads out of your asses, because there are going to be a lot of your former customers telling you that's where you can stick your service.

http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews/idUKN1639580720080117?rpc=44&pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0

Why Japan Rocks (aka Why Can't Wii Get This Stuff, Part 2)

No More Heroes, the toilet paper. Not since Space Balls: The Toilet Paper, have I seen a more ingenious marketing tie-in. I mean, the book is right, everybody poops. So why not do it in style? Still no word from gamestop if this will be coming with my copy of NMH, but one can only hope. Hell the instruction manual itself comes in the form of a comic book. No More Heroes hasn't done so hot in Japan, but I honestly believe a lightsaber based game can do a lot better here in the states.

My picks for 2008 so far...

A new year is here, and with it comes some new games. By next week one great game (hopefully great) will be coming out in the form of No More Heroes. A game where from what I can tell, the entire point is to beat people up with a fluorescent lamp lightsaber. Yes that's right I said LIGHTSABER, and you use it with the Wiimote. How can you NOT want that? Anyway on with the list my picks for 2008:

Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii) - otherwise known as the series that turned fighting games on their ear. This game has been duplicated, ripped off, and replicated, all badly. Accept no substitutes. Even if this thing keeps getting delayed (GRRRRRRR). And who the hell could pass up a chance to beat the living crap out of Sonic with Mario? It's every Nintendo fans dream come true.

Fallout 3 (PC and Who the Hell Cares?)- If you don't know what Fallout is and what makes it great, you aren't a gamer, period. The game is being produced by the guys at Bethesda, the folks that brought us the godly Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion. Oblivion engine set in a post-apocalyptic universe? Yes sir, may I have another?

Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust (Pc, Ps3, Xbox 360, Cell) - Yes I know the last game, Magna Cum Laude, sucked, and sucked hard. One of the worst games, I've ever played. But it's Larry, and I have to give him one more shot. For crap's sakes get Al Lowe back already you idiots! Love for sail is right up there as my favorite adventure game of all time. And I want that feeling back, damn it.

Ghostbusters (PC, Wii, PS2, Ps3, Xbox 360)- Duh. If I had to go into description on this, I'd have to come out of your computer screen, and slap each and every one of you reading this.

Bionic Commando Rearmed(PSN, Xbox Live) - The remake of the series, not the one starring the vomit inducing, dreadlocked, hot dog packing, tan guy. I don't see any way to screw this up, other than not releasing it on the console that so richly deserves it, the Wii. And my friends over at GoNintendo, are taking that one head on at http://www.petitiononline.com/0819/petition.html.

Postal 3- Come on it's a new postal game? Whats not to love? Hopefully this will still be an FPS, given that I'm already a tall redhead that bears an uncanny resemblance to the main character, but I'll probly enjoy it either way.

Who the hell knows when Duke Nukem Forever is coming out, but you can damn well bet it would be on top of the list for that year. I want to like that game as much as I like breathing. And I do love my oxygen intake, I love it good.

I'll take the game!

Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law, that is. So far the game has been really good. My only real complaint is that Colbert doesn't voice Phil, and that's a crime that deserves its own case in the game. The game actually had me laughing out loud at a few parts (Mr. Bombs over Baghdad!) and it seems like High Voltage gets what's so good about the cartoon series itself. Unfortunately though, the fatal flaw could be that the cases are somewhat shorter than what I was originally thinking they would be. But all in all, if you like the Phoenix Wright series you should really give this game a try. I can't say that I have any objections to a sequel as long as Colbert comes back.